Live Forevermore
by Ash Night
Summary: Aubrey's heavily thought out reflections on the ultimate ruin of every vampire and immortal. A letter to Risika eons from now.


~*~ 

Live Forevermore 

By Ash Night 

~*~ 

Author's Note: The end of immortality lies in every vampire's path. This is Aubrey's letter to Risika, taking place years and years from what we know of now in the distant future. Their past is now entangled with one another's and their paths will continue to cross. Aubrey has finally matured beyond his stage in DIMV, and is now continuing a new stretch of time. Whether the letter is actually "sent" to her or not is irrelevent for the moment. 

Perhaps, he may come off as spiritless in here, I'm not sure. But that is not my intention. Anyway, Aubrey has turned into a rather free verse poet himself. Hang on, don't worry. I tried not to make the poem form unbearable. It's more like chopped up sentences with nuts and sprinkles. It has almost very nearly similar to regular prose, but I have decided not to use that cumbersome form anymore. (I have changed. Damn.) It's also rather a bit and mixture of conscious stream of thought from the vampire we all love. 

And as a final note, (cut to the chase lady!) this touches upon several deep topics. So I'm not positive how it will be interpreted by everyone. This is rather experimental. You're all little guinea pigs! :) Now go on. Read. Think. Review. Try to get into Aubrey's head. Into an immortal's mind. 

Disclaimer: Aubrey and Risika are sole characters of Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. I'm simply borrowing them so they can make sandcastles in my sandbox. They shall be returned safely and soundly with minimal damage. The inspiration comes partly from Anne Rice, Karren Hesse, my insomnia, the early hours of the day, and my mind that never quits thinking. 

~*~ 

From the setting of despair, I have looked at you. 

Frail and fragile rose, thorns not yet grown to the fiery sharpness that lingers now. 

Innocence of human purity, untainted, untarnished by the evils of the world. 

Shrouded by the veil that protected your heart and eyes, you lived. 

You truly lived without knowing it, blinded and sealed within the ultimate happiness and truth. 

I have taken you, tore you from your world. 

The world that once belonged to all of us with its wonders and splendors. 

The world in which we thought we now owned was and never will be ours again. 

The true elegance of the trick played upon us by fate. 

Led on this path of evils through hazed shadows and crazed illusions. 

The path that leaves no soul untouched, no soul unmarred. 

It grips us and calls to us with the dulcet and allure of immortality. 

It croons us with unbelievable power and the sweet insatiable lust for blood. 

Bringing us the ecstasy we thought was everything, enough to be our world. 

Yet each step taken leads us closer to the impending demise. 

Fleeting around the next bend, permeating into our thoughts. 

Until they're not our own anymore. 

Far worse than mortal death is the death. 

Of an immortal soul. 

I know true _evil._

I've been there, you have too. 

It lies in the darkest corners of every heart and soul. 

With one final mistake in life, we unleash the evil that consumes us and becomes us. 

The way that a single droplet of rain is engulfed by the raging ocean waves. 

It is as inevitable as the world before you and I. 

The evil that poisons and taints our existence. 

Until we're stained and drowned in our own blood. 

No catharsis or soul cleansing will save any of us now. 

No amount of forgiveness will wash the blood all away. 

A trick of fates, the casting away of blinds, the final fall from grace. 

To the darkest depths, shattering and breaking at the bottom into a thousand glass pieces. 

All reflecting the same shattered and broken image of who you are. 

A battered prisoner of yourself. 

These pieces can never be mended together again, Risika. 

With all of the power of the world, you and I, we can never truly be complete. 

A lost puzzle piece that will never be found. 

Lost to the waves from the moment the blood touched our lips. 

Time was never in our power, in our reigns. 

Not even within our grasps. 

Another clever trick. 

It is in itself, our ultimate captor. 

We're confined in its cages, similar to ones of steel as you described before. 

This is our destination, our immortality, caged for eternity. 

_Our damnation._

The wish we have prayed for has been granted. 

The gift we have given ourselves has been received. 

Open the color wrapped present, tear away the silk ribbons. 

Throw away the large gaudy bow, rip the box cover off. 

And inside, you will see what we have actually asked for. 

What we will keep forever. 

Unrelenting and eternal _life. _

It's a sordid game we think we play. 

We've never actually been winning, drunken on our illusions. 

It can never be won. 

Sad pitiful truth, isn't it? 

For nothing immortal can truly have a real life and be really alive and living. 

It's all an imitation, nothing more. 

Made grand by what we wanted to believe, fooled us into thinking we had it all. 

When we have nothing. 

We are not alive. 

We are not dead. 

We are a cruel entanglement of fate and destiny. 

Twisted, branded, and burned together in something that never should have been, a mistake. 

Wouldn't have been had temptation wasn't so overpowering. 

_Scarred. _

And we are doomed to wear this scar for the rest of eternity, you and I, and the rest. 

The shaming mark of the young, naive, and foolish. 

Nothing more than fools. 

Perhaps, you do not understand because you are too young. 

The young are so easily amused and distracted. 

Perhaps, you do not realize the ultimate consequences of your existence. 

Perhaps, I am underestimating you, Risika, once more. 

We are. 

_Damned to live._

With ourselves and as ourselves. 

Unchangeable in a world of constant change. 

We hold no flickering spirit of the candle. 

There is no all loving creator gazing down upon us. 

We are alone. 

It is the isolation and distance from who we once were. 

That becomes unbearable. 

_The longing, have you felt it?_

It is the thin line, the boundary, that separates us from them. 

Once crossed, it's impossible to cross again. 

Back onto the forbiden and lost territory we've given up. 

Do you miss the bright sunshine and laughter of children? 

We were given a chance that should never have been taken. 

The longing has always been there. 

I know you have felt it. 

And it scares you. 

Buried deep inside all of us, beneath the grains of sand. 

Is the deepest and darkest desire that threatens us still. 

As the sands of time flow away, it will be ever more apparent. 

Heart wrenching regret and pain. 

Unbearable suffering in the Hell we have created. 

The desire for what can never be. 

It will be the end of us. 

What gave us the first breath of immortality. 

Will take away our last. 

_ And stretch it for an eternity. _

Remember? 

Do you remember? 

Remember how it once was? 

~*~ 

Author's Note: So. How was it? Was it incomprehensible? Do you think Aubrey is finally nutters now? Honestly, that's not the approach I was looking for. Neither was pessimistic Aubrey. Just an Aubrey facing what he believes is the truth of his existence as an immortal vampire. Strip away the glory and get down to the dirt and grit of the matter. Hopefully, that made you think a bit. I'm sorry for those a bit out of practice. :) 

Anyway, enough of my blabber mouthing. Did you like? Was it worth your time? Did you enjoy it? Review and feed a hungry author's spirit for connecting with people. Constructive crisism is appreciated. Battered flames would be used as curse words for my broom at the dust. And if the experiment wasn't a total failure, perhaps another chapter will be in store for us. 


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